It feels like a lot of disappointment stemming from prayer comes from our need to compare our spiritual experience. I compare most things, cross-examining my achievements and emotions with other peoples. Checking to see if I'm up to scratch, and changing how I feel depending on what I find.
This post is a good example. I spent 30 minutes writing out a witty introduction and a "very thought provoking" main body before I stopped, prayed, and deleted it all. I was writing with the intention to inflate my ego, and quite quickly the process fell foul of all the usual nonsense I indulge when creating something for public viewing. The reason this blog felt different to the other stuff was because I - apparently briefly - tried to appreciate God's perspective. I realise now that imagining the world from such a lofty position takes a lot of effort to maintain, and a moment's absent-mindedness to completely forget.
So I came clean, asked for help, and the unpleasant stain that was tainting this usually calming experience dispearsed. Honestly, removing ego and pride from my spiritual life is where I will be asking for the most help in future. It truly is a monumental process, and it strikes me why Christians were known for their humility; honestly submitting yourself to God is difficult enough to type as a sentence, let alone adopt as the meaning of life. (Edit - not 3 hours later and my position on this had completely changed, see "On becoming a Christian")
This post wasn't what I expected to talk about, but I feel more comfortable pressing the Publish button now than if I had spent all night crafting a great post in which God had no interest.
This post is a good example. I spent 30 minutes writing out a witty introduction and a "very thought provoking" main body before I stopped, prayed, and deleted it all. I was writing with the intention to inflate my ego, and quite quickly the process fell foul of all the usual nonsense I indulge when creating something for public viewing. The reason this blog felt different to the other stuff was because I - apparently briefly - tried to appreciate God's perspective. I realise now that imagining the world from such a lofty position takes a lot of effort to maintain, and a moment's absent-mindedness to completely forget.
So I came clean, asked for help, and the unpleasant stain that was tainting this usually calming experience dispearsed. Honestly, removing ego and pride from my spiritual life is where I will be asking for the most help in future. It truly is a monumental process, and it strikes me why Christians were known for their humility; honestly submitting yourself to God is difficult enough to type as a sentence, let alone adopt as the meaning of life. (Edit - not 3 hours later and my position on this had completely changed, see "On becoming a Christian")
This post wasn't what I expected to talk about, but I feel more comfortable pressing the Publish button now than if I had spent all night crafting a great post in which God had no interest.
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