I've recently been praying to align myself with God's own empathy for suffering and joy. That what breaks his heart, breaks my heart and what fills him with compassion, fills me with compassion. I realised - or, more accurately, learned to appreciate - the disparity between what I respond to emotionally and what he values. At times, the difference could span oceans.
Reservations I have about prayer - shared by others, judging by what I've read - often stem from my anxious refusal to commit emotionally, struggling to feel connected to the things that surely affect him the most. Distancing myself from the pain of others was a good way to stop myself feeling overrun with sorrow. Perhaps I'm beginning to see that I can lay that sorrow at his door and face what initially seemed overwhelming
That was a very scary sentence to write. It forces me to deal how I might have to change my life to back up my words instead of being an ivory tower hypocrite! I think of the potential given to me to help others worse off and I'm filled with a mixture of conviction (small dose) and blind fear (large dose).
For the first time yesterday I prayed for someone I had never met, having almost been brought to tears at their situation which I read about in a book. That's never happened before, and it seems that most positive action is ignited by an emotional reaction. The importance of feeling connected to other people's pain becomes quite clear.
This is quite a profound struggle for me. Taking the real Christian action of putting my own, treasured, comfort aside and potentially changing my life for God's work is an alarming proposition. If submitting yourself to God is the ultimate act of humility, facing up to the responsibility of action is the ultimate act of courage. Because really, nothing will change a life more than truly trying to be one of the hands of Christ.
Reservations I have about prayer - shared by others, judging by what I've read - often stem from my anxious refusal to commit emotionally, struggling to feel connected to the things that surely affect him the most. Distancing myself from the pain of others was a good way to stop myself feeling overrun with sorrow. Perhaps I'm beginning to see that I can lay that sorrow at his door and face what initially seemed overwhelming
That was a very scary sentence to write. It forces me to deal how I might have to change my life to back up my words instead of being an ivory tower hypocrite! I think of the potential given to me to help others worse off and I'm filled with a mixture of conviction (small dose) and blind fear (large dose).
For the first time yesterday I prayed for someone I had never met, having almost been brought to tears at their situation which I read about in a book. That's never happened before, and it seems that most positive action is ignited by an emotional reaction. The importance of feeling connected to other people's pain becomes quite clear.
This is quite a profound struggle for me. Taking the real Christian action of putting my own, treasured, comfort aside and potentially changing my life for God's work is an alarming proposition. If submitting yourself to God is the ultimate act of humility, facing up to the responsibility of action is the ultimate act of courage. Because really, nothing will change a life more than truly trying to be one of the hands of Christ.
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