I bloody love God, you know.
He is mending my life. That's the only way I can put it. Guiding me to do what I could never do by myself. Every time I get bewildered he is there, always waiting with a smile to take me into his arms and remind me it's OK. I wish more people could feel this. It almost brings tears knowing how kind he is. He is so caring, and he just doesn't stop giving, it's relentless. A donating of himself that I can barely understand, but slowly begin to appreciate, and be thankful for.
All the talk of 'praising the lord', thanking him and being humble before him simply didn't make sense until I felt his ceaseless giving. He constantly graces, it's almost mind boggling to have been an Atheist and then try to imagine an entity that does that, we simply don't experience it in nature. One thing us born again types have is truly appreciating how lonely life was without God.
The distress of living completely indifferent to God is, blessedly, and by it's nature, something we only have to comprehend retrospectively. The amount of grace he required to let me take everything he offered and still feel apathetic is...well, I'm running out of ways to say he astounds me.
I feel more tired now than I have in months. Exhausted from all the thought, emotions and spiritual searching I've done over the last week. It's normally at this point where I begin to entertain thoughts of giving up, and admitting it was all "just a phase". The significance that this hasn't happened will probably only ever be known to me. For all the logical, situational and factual reasons to keep faith, the fact that I can still feel his hand on my back is the strongest.
He is mending my life. That's the only way I can put it. Guiding me to do what I could never do by myself. Every time I get bewildered he is there, always waiting with a smile to take me into his arms and remind me it's OK. I wish more people could feel this. It almost brings tears knowing how kind he is. He is so caring, and he just doesn't stop giving, it's relentless. A donating of himself that I can barely understand, but slowly begin to appreciate, and be thankful for.
All the talk of 'praising the lord', thanking him and being humble before him simply didn't make sense until I felt his ceaseless giving. He constantly graces, it's almost mind boggling to have been an Atheist and then try to imagine an entity that does that, we simply don't experience it in nature. One thing us born again types have is truly appreciating how lonely life was without God.
The distress of living completely indifferent to God is, blessedly, and by it's nature, something we only have to comprehend retrospectively. The amount of grace he required to let me take everything he offered and still feel apathetic is...well, I'm running out of ways to say he astounds me.
I feel more tired now than I have in months. Exhausted from all the thought, emotions and spiritual searching I've done over the last week. It's normally at this point where I begin to entertain thoughts of giving up, and admitting it was all "just a phase". The significance that this hasn't happened will probably only ever be known to me. For all the logical, situational and factual reasons to keep faith, the fact that I can still feel his hand on my back is the strongest.
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